on repeat: Both Sides of a Smile – Dave ft James Blake
Hello, hi. Welcome back guys.
The first of a new month. Usually, the time I get the most reflective but otherwise a new month doesn’t feel different. My schedule does not change which is how I found myself here, thinking about adulting and how I’m not feeling its vibe.
Adulting (noun): the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.
Adulting is something that I’ve been transitioning into for a while. It started with having to make your own doctor appointments, moved into paying your own bills and then it became working full-time. Having experienced these things sequentially, I can conclude that I’m not on it and I want no parts. Of course, I understand that doesn’t mean I can just stop doing these things but the part that really gets to me is the working full-time.
I’ve reached that stage of life where outings with friends need to be coordinated weeks in advance. Weekends are booked up from now until the end of September and Annual Leave becomes the biggest obstacle in planning ahead. Somewhere along the way, you start living to just get through the weekdays and enjoy the weekend. Younger me can’t even believe it.
The image I had of being an adult is crazy now that I think about it. I’d like to take the time to blame the media for making me somehow think I’d be living this adventure all the time. When the weekend hits, Frankie is tired. Frankie does not want to explore. Teen Frankie somehow thought she would have all the money and time in the world to really do life but being able to hold both successfully is a game of tug and war. Naturally, I can only speak for myself but I feel this is the reason so many of us are burnt out this year. With a pandemic on top and it being early seasons of this new chapter of adulting; we, the people, are exhausted.
Adulting does have its moments, don’t get me wrong. Financial freedom, independence (not asking your parents to go out and telling them you were was absolutely that first step) and new lessons to be learnt always. I’m grateful for the lessons I continue to learn with age. I often look back at old blog posts when I feel uninspired or burnt out and I always say how much I can read my main character development. It’s like I can hear my younger self in those posts which is why I’m so attached to this little space on the internet I’ve created. It’s me at so many intervals of my life so even when I do go dark for a while – you should always know I’m coming back eventually.
What I’m trying to say is that I’m learning a lot over the years while learning the ropes of adulting. I’m figuring out the importance of having different circles of friends for different things while also honing in on your tribe, the importance of being comfortable alone and having interests and hobbies outside of work. I’m also learning to give people grace where I can and to be more understanding as that’s always something I’ve found difficult. I love that I continue to learn with age, it means that life never gets boring and you haven’t done it all.
So, the actual act of being an adult? All the admin side of it? Not a fan and won’t ever be. The things I can do as an adult and the lessons gained? Younger Frankie isn’t completely mad at that part of it.
see ya’ll in the next one.
with all my love,