Hello, hi. Welcome back guys.
I’ve neglected Quite Frankly this summer I feel like, apologies for that. Life gets in the way sometimes and I’m still working out how not to let it do that. This post should really be an answer to the last question I posted on here which was “where did I go?”but I’ll post the next installment of the “where she goes” series hopefully after this one. Until then, I guess I have some things I’d like to get off my chest. I forget that Quite Frankly is my space to do that so I plan to start utilising it for that function.
Today’s topic is faith and how much I struggle with mine.
I used to always tell myself that there’s a line of privacy that I don’t want to cross on the internet. I prefer keeping things to myself and I’m not a big fan of sharing my problems. That’s how I’ve always been but this one thing, this one topic, I’m hoping can help someone else out there that’s struggling as well.
Faith is a very difficult thing. It’s based on a pure, unfiltered belief that God has your back; through thick and thin. This is the idea I’ve always had anyway, that God will always have your back and things will always go your way when you’re a good person and you pray hard enough. I’ve learnt, fairly recently might I add, that this is not the case. That things don’t always go your way regardless of intention or if you pray hard enough, and that has thrown the biggest spanner in my whole belief system.
Things that I really thought God would sort out, whether it be for my own personal gain or for the sake of family and friends, didn’t go the way I wanted and I guess my head always returns to my belief system. My head starts to rationalise and think “that’s just the way the world is” and there can never be a guarantee that bad things don’t happen to good people, God’s just out here doing his best. Growing up that was the role I placed on God, and that might have been my mistake. I saw him as this figure that determines the way the scales tip, whether someone got their reward or not but at this point I can’t run with that anymore.
My problem here is that I have no way of verifying any new belief system I come up with to maintain my faith. I have to decide whether or not to maintain that belief despite constantly being shown that’s not the case, but that’s what faith is I guess. Finding multiple reasons to believe the alternative but still holding on to one true belief. Again, I’m struggling with that.
I’m always told that God doesn’t necessarily do what we want but rather what we need. I’m having a hard time identifying if what he says I need is actually what I need. Things happen that I cannot see the good in nor the opportunity for growth so again we’re back at square one. Faith being difficult.
So my question is how do I shake this?
How do I maintain faith and how do I remain strong in situations that are designed to shake my faith? How do I bounce back? I’m sure so many of us have been here and the answer we get is to seek guidance from God. Maybe, I’m missing something but I’m not hearing a lot of guidance from my side. I’ll keep trying and let you guys know how that one goes.
Life is a weird one, it’s like this long race with hella obstacles designed to throw us off from crossing the finish line. Faith is meant to be that thing that keeps us aiming for that finish line, even though we’ve just jumped over hurdle after hurdle and we are tired. My point here is, that it’s ok to tap out for a bit. It’s ok to have your faith shaken to the point where you head to the corner and take a long ass breather because you’re exhausted from all these hurdles. I’d even recommend it. However, I’d like you to eventually jump back in the race. I’m on a time out right about now but I plan to jump back in eventually. I hope you will too.
with all my love,