Hello, hi. Welcome back.
As I begin to type this, I’m currently recovering from Wireless (check out the previous post right here) but in true Frankie fashion, recovering means writing.
Anyway, the title of this post is misleading but let me land y’all.
On the final day of the Wireless festival, the overground decided to be childish and stop running at around 10pm. This meant instead of taking the train directly home, I had to take the bus and walk. As I’m walking with my keys in my palm, holding them in the perfect position to defend myself if necessary, I started to think.
I’m walking home at like 11pm, one earphone out and silently praying that the guy that just passed me and said “yo miss”, doesn’t turn around to approach me in this dark ass road I’m walking along alone. You know what I realised?
This is so normal.
I can’t speak for guys of course but I do all these things subconsciously. This paranoia is genuinely instilled in me and even if I’m walking in a “safe” neighbourhood, I’m still going to hold my key in the perfect position to strike.
I think that’s really unfortunate.
The fact that so many of us actually walk around with that fear is so telling of the society we live in, and it’s inability to protect those in it. I know I’m always ready to strike because you hear way too many stories of girls being kidnapped, raped, stolen from, whatever the case may be and you don’t want it to be you.
You don’t want to have to face that victim blaming culture of “why were you out that late?” or “why was your outfit so short?”.
Both of which, I was “guilty of”.
I was walking back at a late hour AND on top of that I was wearing something short. Although I am completely aware that none of these things should make me prone to anything bad happening to me, my brain knew it could and this is what I think is trash.
Society is so focused on teaching women and just people in general to protect themselves from rape and harassment by staying out of “dangerous situations”, but really the focus should be on teaching people not to do those things.
The issue with this is how and why should this be the case? In a whole 2018, the concept of consent is still foreign to some people and it’s just mad. There is no handbook to teach people how consent works because one shouldn’t be necessary. As human beings, we should know when someone doesn’t want to do something and let them be. It should really be that simple.
While we’re on the topic of late nights, let’s focus on the whole “guys approaching you when it’s dark and you’re alone” thing. This was discussed on Twitter awhile ago and a lot of guys weren’t understanding what the problem was. A lot of guys actually thought it was a race issue but let me clarify that right up.
Regardless of your race, my heartbeat will most definitely speed up 10x per minute if you approach me when I’m by myself at night.
This is much worse when it’s a group of guys. I could be 3 minutes from my home and see a group of guys, I promise you…I’m taking the long way around. I’ve done it several, several times before. It has nothing to do with your character because you could be a perfect gentleman, but I just wouldn’t know that.
There are more good guys than bad guys in the world (I hope) so I do understand why some of you may take offence but really you have to see it from a girl’s perspective.
Society loves to blame girls for things that happens to us on our late night walks so we’ve learnt to be cautious. Whether that means blocking our blessings (more on that – here xx) or just minding our business, ladies have to navigate the world differently to the opposite sex and I’m never going to be ok with that.
with all my love,