Hello, hi. Welcome back guys.
We’re still in the first quarter of 2020, so focusing on doing better this year shouldn’t have moved from the top of our to-do list. If it has, take this post as a reminder to place that right back at the top. As we focus on doing better, I felt it made sense to build up on the foundation we set a couple of posts ago, and continue to grow and develop our ability to love and be loved.
What I gauged from the post on ‘the dating market‘ is that a lot of women feel like the market is hard out here, myself included. However, what I think a lot of us are excluding from this equation is the role we play in these scenarios. We forget how much we can change the narrative by being vocal.
“it’s just not banging”leanne (love island, 2020)
A lot of the time, during the dating process, we may come in contact with a couple of red flags. Red flags that are indicative of a bigger issue at hand; however, we choose to ignore them. We see it as something that will eventually sort itself out and that’s where we go wrong. I’ve played myself on so many occasions with this logic and no more. Not in this 2020.
A constant pattern in these situtations is that I feel the problem isn’t enough for me to address. I don’t want to seem mad and I don’t want to make it seem like I’m the only one invested, so the solution is simple. Stay quiet and deal with it. Saying this aloud makes me realise how mad that is and why we have such a huge problem. The old aged tale of “communication is key” applies and we need to start treating it like it does. Why don’t we want to be vocal about the things that bother us?
Ultimately, that should be the aim. To be with someone that you can be honest and of course, vocal with. All the red flags, no matter how small, if they bother you should absolutely be dealt with. The slow replies you hate, the lateness, the inconsistency, the mixed signals; all of it, if it bothers you? Address it. It is precisely the not addressing it that allows the issue to ruminate and there we are. Angry that we wasted our time on someone that doesn’t want to change.
In general, we have such a weird thought process when it comes to dating. We feel like we have to wait forever before we let our non-negotiables be known when in reality, that doesn’t make sense. 5/6 months down the line, you’ve caught feelings so when you find out this person does all the things you can’t stand? You’re absolutely finished. You now like someone that you aren’t compatible with. Yikes.
Why do we even make it difficult for ourselves? It can be as simple as saying from the jump “this thing that you do makes me mad, is it something you can change?”. If it is, you both move and continue. If it isn’t, you’ve only used the bare minimum time you can on a person and can move on to the next.
On some city girl/city boy vibe.
I know that’s what stresses me about dating. Finding out a major flaw a couple of months down the line when I’ve already become so invested. It’s something you can’t completely avoid but you can absolutely sort out your non-negotiables from very early. The dating market is mad, but we don’t help it. Sometimes, we the ladies, even stop our own bag but waiting to be approached. Sometimes shoot your own shot but thats a conversation for another day. One I’m not ready to have so we’ll have to revisit x
So in conclusion, be like Leanne. Speak up when things don’t align with your chakras. Speak up when a red flag that is non negotiable for you pops up. You deserve better.
with all my love,