Hello, hi. Welcome back guys.
I’m assuming we’re all joining Twitter and tuning into Love Island everyday at 9. If you’re not, I really respect you for not falling into peer pressure. That’s the only reason I’m still watching; I felt left out. I was one of the people screaming I wasn’t watching this season and yet? Here I am.
Why? Love Island is every British babes’ guilty pleasure, the epitome of trash TV but we live for it. Nothing brings the nation together like a dramatic recoupling and this year, we’re getting two seasons of Love Island. This is most definitely “a bit of me”.
Whenever Love Island returns, the conversation about the dating market and London dating culture comes up. In situations like this, the stark difference between White British and Black British dating norms is always made clear. I decided to search within my soul to identify if I was imagining this big “divide” in the way the dating market is set up for different races. I asked friends, I asked family and most importantly, I asked myself.
Being that I have some knowledge of British culture, I came to the conclusion that the dating market is dry. Real dry, and we don’t help the crisis.
I could stop right here and say everyone is mad, do my usual “with all my love” and we can all go about our day. However, let’s unpack. It seems to me that my selection pool gets smaller and smaller. The potential candidates in London seems to decrease by the second and the unserious ones doubling. If we do the maths, it means I have more chances of encountering the unserious ones than the serious ones. Personally? I don’t deserve.
I feel like the primary issue for me screaming “unserious” is because of the current stereotype of how Black Brits date. The belief is that Black Brits make things way more complicated than they need to be. Instead of deciding you’re feeling someone’s vibe and dating them, we have a whole bunch of steps. A talking stage that lasts forever and you don’t know where you stand, a set period before the physical dating begins where you’re still confused, then finally the dating. Even then that’s followed by the set period before the title of “girlfriend/boyfriend” is provided.
My issue here is that we’re grown. I don’t want to have to do all these steps anymore. Periodt.
You even have to burn when you start to see how easy White Brits make dating look. The assumption is that White Brits get into relationships way quicker than Black Brits. The constant running joke that “white people can love” is because we constantly see the contrast. How many times have you heard stories of the speed White Brits get into relationships following the breakdown of another? You have to respect the work rate. They process the emotions, shake themselves off and get back into the game. Meanwhile, one heartbreak from college is disrupting the connections some of us hope to make currently.
So, the reasons that drive this divide. I think fundamentally, it goes back to fear. Fear of commitment, fear of love (blog post on that can be found: here) and fear of rejection. I think as a community, fear drives Black Brits more than it does a lot of races. Naturally there are exceptions, trailblazers even, who put it all on the line to achieve something. However, there’s whole bunch of us (me most definitely included) who find peace in security and comfort in familiarity. In translation, we’re not willing to step out into the unknown to try something new.
So in conclusion, I think we need to adopt new habits starting from now. Go at our own pace for sure but there isn’t any need for the complexity. If you like a babe, shoot your shot, chat to them for a bit, potentially take them out and then Bob’s your uncle. This goes for both women and men because we’re moving towards a progressive society my loves, it’s 2020. Before you know it, you’re boo’d up if you’re both compatible or you’ve wasted minimal time (compared to the alternative) if you’re not. Look how simple.
Go forth and don’t waste people’s time. Bless up x
with all my love,