Hello, hi. Welcome back guys.
2019 is wrapping up slowly and with it, another decade comes to a close. I’ve been seeing a lot of talk on how different this end of the year feels to the usual year endings we see. I get it, I feel way more reflective this December compared to last year because this one? This one is the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. 2020, what’s up?
Instead of reflecting on the last couple of months, I’ve been thinking more about the last couple of years and what I’ve done in them. I completed secondary school then A-Levels, started and completed university, did a whole lot of travelling and so much more. I wanted to add a whole bunch of throwbacks to really highlight the growth but there’s only so much I can expose myself on God’s internet. The point is, I’ve realised that so much has happened in this one decade that I overlook because I’m constantly chasing one goal after the other. If it wasn’t passing A-Levels, it was graduating. If it wasn’t graduating, it was getting into a master’s program and finding a graduate job. I think it’s very important to think about and be proud of how far you’ve come in your journey.
Looking back at my successes and shortcomings although slightly therapeutic, has also triggered some worries. Now, I’m thinking about the future. The moment you think about the future you realise how close that “future” could potentially be. Personally, the future scares me and that inevitability of having to grow up and do up adulting for real doesn’t help. I start off with worrying about the most trivial things, a little “oh that’s something I should worry about” which then escalates to thinking “if this goes wrong, then so will this and then this, and then I fail at life”. That part? Yeah, that part’s not fun.
I’m working on it but I find myself worrying more so about things that I have a reason to be worried about as I grow older, things that make sense. I start to worry about my future, love, life and everything that comes with it. Now, I’ve just always been that babe that stresses about everything. Something I’m working on and hope to get further control over in the new year. Not a lot of progress currently but I’m learning to look at the bright side, and to constantly see the glass as “half full” as opposed to “half empty”. I’m also that babe that compares herself to others and again, I’m working on it. My own journey is not the same as Sally’s down the road but it’s hard to remember that in times of uncertainty and adversity.
However, with this decade comes so many life changes. A lot of us will start to think about careers, marriage, having a family and that sounds so wild coming from a twenty-one year old me. That might also be why this decade is seeming to hit hard for so many of us. We know the potential it holds and what great changes it could bring. Despite all that worry, I was talking about earlier, I’m kind of excited. Life has proven itself to be so short over and over again so I think I’m getting passed that point of fearing things to come., It’s energy wasted that could be better spent on other things so 2020 and beyond? I’m excited for you and what you have in store.
As for my ever racing mind, I’m begging you. Relax. Let me enjoy these last couple of weeks without worrying about the future. I’d appreciate it.
As for you guys, see ya’ll in the next one.
with all my love,