Hello, hi. Welcome back guys.
This definitely isn’t new information for you guys that read Quite Frankly often but for another cheeky reminder, I’m in my final year of University.
I wasn’t worried about that actually, I felt like I was mentally prepared for it. I had enjoyed my summer as well as earned some coins, so I was in the perfect mindset to go back to the world of studying. It also helped that Psychology interests me and studying for it never seemed tedious nor did I get bored.
However, hearing everyone else’s anxiety about starting the new year started to freak me out.
My brain had already processed this year as the final hurdle and I’d be fine. One more little push and I would have done it, conquered the evil little beast known as undergrad. Everyone else seemed to focus more on the workload this final hurdle required and then it dawned on me, there is no saving grace of “I’ll do better next year to improve my overall grade”.
We had reached that final “next year”
The way my brain processes these things is very different so ultimately, this realisation rattled me. I’ve definitely spoken about this before and I’m stuck between two very different moods.
You could say it’s the Gemini in me if you’re into that kind of thing.
One side of me is saying ” I can no longer compromise my sanity for the sake of university” because my brothers and sisters, “I can’t come and kill myself” – Oluwaburna (2018). Another side of me is saying “you’re a big woman, firm it x”. You can all see how these two directions are very conflicting. However, grades have always been very important to me and I pride myself in my work ethic, it’s just the stress that comes with the grades that I hate. I’m tired out here in these streets and this final hurdle is looking like the hardest one yet.
Ultimately, all I can really do is my best but I’ve reached a point where I’m not willing to kill myself for that best. My best should be when I’m at my optimum, when I’m at my happiest and calmest. It shouldn’t be when I have stress in my left breast.
I’ve always said that second year truly knocked me off my feet, and it wasn’t because of the workload or the exams. It’s because I was genuinely out here stressing myself with the fear of failure. The pressure to really do well hit me early on in the year and I was losing it. That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid this year, because even if it all worked out fine in the end, those months of exam season were truly hell on earth. That stress wasn’t good for anyone at any level.
I’m going to try and combine my two moods and find a suitable middle ground, there has to be one. Regardless of how that pans out, I will kill university and not the other way around.
Bless up x
with all my love,