Lifestyle / Sunday, April 19th, 2020

Hello, hi. Welcome back guys.

A while ago, I spoke about the dating market (find that – here) and how in most scenarios women don’t help themselves enough. We’ll happily see someone we’re attracted to but will also wait for them to make the first move. Then, we complain about being single. It may be ingrained in us but I thought that maybe, we could change that. I got a couple friends to agree to a task before knowing what they’d be doing, then off we went. To figure out if women had game and could deal with being on the opposing side. Being the one that has to shoot their shot.

“I’m not a shooter, I’m the hoop”

participant #5

We can’t have this conversation without talking about strategic positioning; my default method of shooting my shot. This works by identifying someone who I think is sweet, then placing myself in such a way so that I am the hoop. I’m most definitely not alone in this and know a lot of us are guilty. That catching their eye and smiling move? Quote tweeting their tweet with “LOOOL” when the joke wasn’t that funny? I put my hand up.

This has ultimately impaired many women’s ability to make the first move when it comes to dating. You could say we’re out of practice but to be sure, I thought we should throw in a challenge. The rules were simple: participants were to initiate conversation with someone they found attractive. If it was an MCM they already knew, initiating wasn’t enough. They had to make a direct shot by asking them out. Being that the current climate prevents everyone going to spaces that allow for this, we opted for the use of dating apps and social media DMs to shoot our shot.

This whole experience was hilarious because what I thought would happen, happened.

Everyone was scared.

We’re going to break this down into three major hurdles but the biggest one was ultimately rejection. A lot of us didn’t know how we’d handle it if it happened. Even me, my initial reaction to being rejected would be “Wow, so I’m not attractive? Say less”. Whether or not this stems from insecurity is still up for debate; that being said, I can’t imagine any level of security that will allow a person to take rejection perfectly. Humans in general can’t handle rejection, some take it worse than others but it definitely causes some misalignment of the chakras. On top of the fear of rejection, the next hurdle involved carrying the conversation. For some reason, we, the participants, would shoot our shot and hope the guy takes over. Whether that was through asking questions or just taking the lead on the flirting, we no longer wanted to be the conversation carrier. Alas, this wasn’t the case. We had to put in the work too. Naturally, the struggle of maintaining the conversation also goes back to fear. There’s still that worry that this person isn’t interested and you’re just bothering them.

The final hurdle was: the sampling pool. Maybe women are just extra picky but finding people we even wanted to shoot our shot at? That was a task in itself. The ones we were coming across either weren’t hitting the mark or were boo’d up with their babes. I feel like that’s representative of real life anyway, women struggling to find a guy they match with but I digress.

It’s important to note that this wasn’t the case for everyone, some of the girls were happy to shoot their shot, found their type on paper and are currently maintaining conversations from that initial interaction. So, it’s very much possible for the right person. What I didn’t expect was some of the girls to find the online task harder than real life. In person, you get cues that someone is vibing with you that you just can’t get through a screen. However, the thought of doing this very task in real life? Face to face?

Lord, be an anchor.

This swiftly brings me to the closing point: confidence. Women have been left comfy in a place where we rarely have to make the first move. Not only has that lowered our threshold for taking rejection but also our confidence in this scenario. We’ve got to work on that one because leaving our future relationships up to the right person approaching you seems wild. Sometimes, be in control of your own destiny.

In conclusion, this whole experience was fun. I respect men for constantly being expected to do this, and also the fact that they don’t lose zeal and keep it going. Will I be doing this again? Probably not but it’s nice to know I’m slightly less bothered about it now. My friends? Unmatched and the perfect sports for this kind of activity, love you guys to the moon & back.

For the rest of you, don’t let relationships be a waiting game. If the vibe and energy is matched, then shoot your shot honey. Your other half might just be shy xoxo

with all my love,


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